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A picture of our lord and savior, jesus christ

SM0Photo 03

Mirab (aka Sean Flaherty of Austin Tx) is on the left


Kaktos, Being electrocuted by Jesus Christ.

Kaktos is the (mostly) omnipotent Kaktoid from the Neptidotae who rules the universe, as well a everything else. Eventually, he will select one sentient from each civilization in the universe, or anywhere else for that matter, and instruct them to tell the story of Kaktos, the Robot War of Korea, and all that other interesting stuff. In the Kaktolik language, "kaktos" translates as "The greatest being ever to exist, anywhere." To refer to the deity in the Kaktolik language, the symbol is a four-pointed star. Note he isn't all-powerful or all-knowing, he's just better than anything else in the universe.


A time so long ago that I don't want to type in the full date, Kaktos did not create the universe. Nor did God, or the Higgs Boson. It was just kind of there. All of this time, Kaktos was in the Neptidotae, and was deeply fascinated in the existence of this universe. Three-dimensional Euclideon space, full of laws of physics, giant galaxies, supermassive black holes, binary star systems, and life-sustaining planets. This is beside the point though. These are a few of Kaktos' accomplishments:

  • Kaktos didn't create The Universe.
  • Kaktos created Dr Pepper, a drink considered sacred to the Kaktoliks.
  • Kaktos saved the universe from the Robot War of Korea.
  • Kaktos vanquished God from existence, past, present, and future. There still remain to be books about him, though.
  • He sent himself down to Earth in the form of a physical cactus, which a group of people in Southwest Asia mistook for their lord and savior.
  • In an unrecorded incident, Kaktos once replaced Joseph Stalin's soap with cheese while he was taking a shower.

The list goes on infinitely.


Who claimed that Kaktos had any internal organs? Oh, right, nobody. Anyway, in his corporeal form, since he exists outside of space and time, he appears as a cactus. A really damn big one, too. He can change his shape to anything he wants, but the cactus suffices for him. He generally appears with red eyes, although he can change them to any color he wants, whether it be pruple, blue, brown, or green. Kaktos also has infinite spines, which he concealed in an alternate dimension of Euclideon space, called the Realm of Infinite Spines (I'll put in the Kaktolik translation later). If you've been a total ass in your corporeal form, expect to be sent here for a while. It's hard to explain the physiology of a non-corporeal, though.

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